Relation-shit.

upanddowns:

missashleyjheidler:

nyclust:

meredithnyc:

caryrandolph:

The roommate broke down for me her recent slow demise with the ex. Or was he an ex? Was he ever her boyfriend? For seven months he took her to dinner, helped her move furniture, cooked brunch in his Upper East Side apartment. They watched Netflix together. Her friends dated his friends. Some times they double-dated with her friends and his friends. (I was never one of those friends, although I am sure he has very nice friends.) He made small talk. He paid for the cabs. He popped up in her calendar at least two nights each week. But he wasn’t her boyfriend.

If he walks like a boyfriend, and he talks like a boyfriend, he must be a boyfriend, right? Alas, for Roommate it was not so easy. For approximately half of that seven month period, she and her gentleman played a passive-aggressive game of “Who Can Care Less?” He avoided discussion, and she refused to force the issue, lest she morph into one of those snake-haired, psychotic boyfriend hunters that twenty-something New York men have learned to fear and loathe.

“Feelings” became a pejorative term.

Sometimes I would come home from wherever I had been on whatever night, sobbing about my own melodramatics, and Roommate’s fellow cheered me up with good-natured advice, and then we all laughed and exclaimed, “Feelings!” and I chuckled through my tears and thought about how easy life would be if we could pack the words “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” and “relationships” into a rocket ship and launch them on a collision course with the outer rings of Saturn. Sometimes I would tell Roommate, “[Your fellow] is so great!” and she would fake laugh, like, “If you only knew…” and then we’d sit on the sofa and watch snow fall and paint our toenails, and bitch, bitch, bitch about our love lives, and WHY WOULDN’T HE NUT UP AND CALL HER HIS GIRLFRIEND?

Finally one day in September she pulled the trigger. “Are you dating anyone else?” she asked. He said, “No.”

“Well, do you want to date anyone else?”

He looked at her like she’d grown a dorsal fin and said, “Isn’t that the same thing?”

No, son. It isn’t. And by the end of the conversation all they had determined was that a) his romantic inertia did not a boyfriend make, and b) he just didn’t give a goddamn. Roommate did not particularly want a future husband, but she did want to know if he wanted a girlfriend or wanted to be her boyfriend so that she could then take new opportunities should they fly in her direction because deep down maybe she did want a boyfriend, and the non-ex-but-really-an-ex just wanted someone to come over three nights a week and cook him pasta and pie and shut the fuck up about feelings.

Lemon was right. Seriously.

Why do we let guys get away with this crap? I think we are so afraid of being that girl that we just avoid the elephant in the room and now guys think it’s okay to just not man up and I know I am guilty of this in almost every relationship I’ve had, even JBW until I started calling him on it. WTF? We are worth the committment ladies!

co.signed.

this is what i would call a classic case of lets dodge any sort of close intimate label so when the time comes if another opportunity comes along i can easily detach myself from this girl and move onto another one. chew her up and spit her out.  If you are with a guy all you girls and he hasnt brought up sealing the deal and making you his and only his. RUN. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN. because we all know its part of a dudes ego to not want other dudes getting with a girl we are interested in (See bro code #7 One bro will not date an ex of another bro) so if a guy is wavering on the issue of making you his girlfriend. flip that switch and ring those sirens. something is fucking up.  Also if a guy isnt emotionally mature enough to appreciate your “feelings” as this story was saying please move on. You are just chasing someone emotionally unavailable and only worsening your predicament.

jason, you are a fucking hypocrite. try to prove me wrong on that.

you know what’s extra shitty? you are fully aware of how horrible men can be and yet you make no effort to be any different.